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This past spring, I watched my son fall out of love with baseball.  

Let me back up.

Like most athletically inclined kids in youth sports, after showing some talent during recreational baseball, Benny was encouraged to tryout for the travel team.  We, as parents, were all for it. And why not? He’ll get to play more (like, in addition to playing rec ball), get training from coaches who can teach him all the technical things (as a supplement to rec) with advanced-level players (theoretically, also making him better) – all of these working towards the goal of him improving at doing something he loves. We saw no reason NOT to get Benny into travel baseball.

Fast forward to the middle of the season.

Practices do not go great, a lot of standing around and not a whole lot of baseball other than ground balls and pop flies (full disclosure, I’ve been to zero baseball practices before this so I’m not sure what to expect). Games were even worse; we lose 10 of the 11 games (more than half by the slaughter rule). My 7 year old rotates between outfield and sitting out innings and not all kids take a turn sitting out.  Because the line-up is based on “batting average”, he gets up to bat fewer times than the kids at the front of the line-up and therefore has fewer chances to raise his average.  Parents are instructed to tell the kids not to ask to play certain positions nor to ask to bat higher in the line-up; these things are “earned”, but they do not rotate positions in practice. Practices are generally focused on game situations, not technical development, so there is a lack of hitting instruction. Parents are also told to invest in private batting lessons and to spend time in the batting cages outside of practice.

Practices and games continue, and I watch as something I can only compare to a sort of reverse wizard of oz effect; the excitement and joy that once lit up Benny’s little face had drained and left behind a dull greyness, lifelessness, and apathy. He is no longer excited to go to practice or games and eventually decides against trying out for baseball in the fall. His reason? It’s no longer fun.

It’s pretty elementary, really: when we stop making the things fun, the kids don’t want to do the things. 

In facta 2014 study reported that 90% of the kids responding said “fun” was the main reason they played (Four reasons adulitficatin is hurting kids – john osullivan). What’s more, the kids were asked how they define “fun” – winning was 48thon the list out of 81 characteristics. (link Amanda Visek of GW’s study). So when we focus heavily on winning we basically neglect all of the other characteristics that make the sport fun for kids. Winning doesn’t always equal fun.

Which is not to say winning shouldn’t be part of it.

Participation medals do nothing for our kids. But rather than having winning be the main priority, which results in things like running tryouts for 6, 7, and 8 year olds based solely on current skill, we should instead be focusing on identifying potential and developing that potential. When we do this, winning will come naturally. (Read John O’Sullivan’s article on excellence and development over strictly winning here.)

What happened with Benny and his baseball team is anecdotal evidence

…of what John O’Sullivan describes as one of our biggest mistakes in youth sports: placing talent selection above talent identification. Talent Identification, he says, “requires the skill to weigh all the physical, physiological, psychological, and technical components of an athlete”. Conversely, Talent Selection, which is promoted by a “win at all costs youth sports culture”, is where coaches choose players “with the current ability to participate and be successful” in the near future (read O’Sullivan’s article here). With this mindset, coaches will only select and play the athletes with current skill, and the gap between these kids and the kids who need the development will continue to grow.  Or worse, the kids who aren’t being developed will just quit. 

So it’s no wonder the age at which kids quit a sport is trending younger and younger

…and it’s not because they want to try other sports (this happens in only a small fraction of the situations; 45% of children end up only playing one sport – Survey: Kids quit most sports by age 11). Instead, kids are specializing at an earlier age, which can lead to early burn-out (and, duh, more quitting), but even more importantly there are physical implications (read more here). The kids that aren’t specializing? Maybe playing video games instead.

At this point it may seem that I am dumping a heavy load of blame solely on the coaches

…but we as parents are just as culpable.  I will admit that during discussions about what the kids will and won’t commit to and why, I’ve found myself thinking about the wrong things. Instead of focusing on the important things (is he having fun, will he learn from this experience, are we doing what’s right for him), I got lost in notions of scholarship potential and the risk of getting left behind by peers if he missing out on technical training.   While there are more extreme cases of this, like parents shelling out thousands on specialty trainers or punishing their kids when they lose or have a bad game, it all goes against what we should be teaching our kids. When we take a step back, it is clear that we are losing sight of what youth sports are designed to do.   

Coaches and parents, together, are slowly squeezing the fun out of youth sports

…by pressuring kids from both sides. We as coaches seem more motivated by winning and recognition. We as parents seem increasingly driven by the desire to “get ahead” for our kids and the entertainment aspect of winning. We need to be better. The conversation has exponentially increased in intensity which only indicates that it will continue. And while I don’t think we can fix this entirely or reverse the changes, there are things we can do and be mindful of to slow down the deterioration moving forward.  As parents, we should educate ourselves and be more deliberate in how we guide our kids as it pertains to youth sports.  Additionally, youth sports programs should provide continual education for coaches not only in the technical realm, but also on how their presence and interaction with kids affects them developmentally and psychologically. 

In this article John O’Sullivan provides succinct advice for parents, coaches, and youth sports programs on moving away from a win-driven atmosphere and instead fostering a developmental atmosphere that will benefit the kids it serves. Additionally, Dr. David Feigley (Rutgers University) wrote a great article that isolates some of the discussion points on the importance of winning that should be included in coaching education programs universally.  

Consider yourself lucky if you haven’t gone through this in your youth sports experience. 

I’d like to say this is an isolated incident but it happens everywhere and across all sports.  The good thing for us is, at 8 years old, Benny is resilient.  He is still happy playing soccer and basketball and backyard football. He is still learning and gaining from his development in other sports. And now we are more thoughtful as we navigate the world of youth sports for Benny, and for Emily and Alex.  A word of advice for parents and coaches: remember the real reason our kids are playing youth sports.

youth sports
Photo credit: Cindy Faherty via Facebook

If this subject interests you, here are some other articles worth reading:

John O’Sullivan’s Four reasons why ‘Adultification’ of youth sports is hurting kids Reasons and The Professionalization of Youth Sports

Have you experienced something like this? Tell me your story in the comments below.